Quick clarification: I’m not a vegetarian. But I happen to live with vegetarians. So generally, there’s just really not a ton of meat in the house. (I think we still have some salami in the fridge? Salami lasts FOREVER. If there’s anything you take away from this post, please remember that salami lasts forever.)
In any case. Do you ever get back from a doctor’s appointment early in the morning, and realize you have an extra hour before your class starts, and you’re kinda dying to make yourself a nice breakfast?
Well, try out this…
Tasty Vegetarian Breakfast Sandwich
Step 1: Look at your stove, and try to turn on the one burner that almost-never works. Hold your hand over it hopefully. Sigh and turn off the burner. It’s broken. Move on.
Step 2: Put a frying pan on a burner that actually functions, and turn the dial to medium heat.
Step 3: Grab an english muffin from the pantry and cut it in half. Put both halves on the far side of the frying pan, inside-up.
Step 4: Pull out a slice of white cheddar cheese from the fridge and stick it on one of the halves of muffin. Let it get uncomfortably warm. Let it begin to melt.
Step 5: Pour a little bit of olive oil on the side of the frying pan that’s closest to you.
Step 6: Chop a little bit of that yellow onion that’s in the fridge, and throw the chopped bits on the olive-oil side of the pan. Let ’em cook! Stir them around with a spatula! Have fun with it.
Step 7: Is the cheese melted yet? Is it? Is it really? Yes? Then pull a plate out of the cupboard and use your spatula to lift both sides of the english muffin onto the plate.
Step 8: Keep stirring the onions around! Feel free to use the whole pan, now that the english muffin is out of the way. Once they’re clear, use your spatula to take them out of the pan, and place them on top of the melted cheese. DO NOT TURN OFF THE FRYING PAN!
Step 9: Crack an egg into the still-hot frying pan. While it’s cooking, grab a tomato and cut off one slice.
Step 10: Flip the egg! If you want your yolk to be runny, wait 8-10 seconds and flip it back over. If you’re really not feelin’ a messy sandwich, let it cook for 30-45 seconds.
Step 11: Put the egg on top of the onions, and the tomato on top of the egg. Smear honey mustard on the other english muffin half. Add a sprinkle of salt and close the sandwich.
Step 12: If you have a runny yolk, this is the part where you say OH MY GOSH SERIOUSLY I PUT IN ALL THAT WORK TO GET THE YOLK JUST RIGHT AND IT BREAKS AS SOON AS I CLOSE THE SANDWICH WHERE IS THE LOGIC HERE??? But there’s just something satisfying about cooking those yolks just right. Even if you need so many napkins to eat it. Right, fellow Over-Easies? …Right?
Step 13: Garnish with some strawberries from the fridge. Sit on the rug next to your roommate and enjoy your lovely vegetarian breakfast sandwich!